Ronaldo Gilley

As I dive deeper into the pit of my soul

To explore the hidden corners and hidden agendas it beholds

To see what unfolds

I take a deep breath

I take courage

And hold on to hope in the aftermath of my broken heart

To pick up the scattered pieces to see what is left

Or perhaps to decipher the code to see what is next

Amid the journey to greatness, I shut down all obstacles

Even cut off a part of my heart

To numb the pain of my relationship falling apart

A mere distraction was the story I stirred

It’s what I told myself – a motivation to strengthen my resolve because I would not be deterred

Successful in love? Well, for me, that is simply a dream deferred

Momentary writers block and an intermission from my novel’s plot

Allowed the smoke to clear long enough for me to see the lot

Finding myself trapped in my feelings with no way to clear it

No way to escape and unable to drown in liquid spirits

Not so much regret or a yearn to return

But an awareness that I did not properly grieve over the relationship

I simply just let it burn

I then supposedly move on, but only in a blur

In many ways over her

But yet still reeling from the blow that was dealt

Emotions revived, putting me back in touch with the pain that was felt

There was no solution in my previous direction

Which was an exploration, not in real connection

But a detachment of the spiritual element and only an exercise in physical affection

Telling myself and others to respect it

Because amidst a world of players and liars, at least I kept it real

Hell, that was part of my appeal

But when forced to stare in the mirror and stand still

Having to admit to myself that I kept it casual because I was afraid to feel