Silence is easy to misread.
It can feel like distance. Coldness. Even rejection.
But sometimes, what looks like emotional withdrawal is actually quiet suffering.
A man may not be pulling away to punish anyone.
He may be retreating because he doesn’t know how to explain the storm within him.
What many of us miss—partners, friends, even family—is that men are often carrying a deep sadness behind their silence. It’s not always visible, and it’s rarely articulated.
Not because the feelings aren’t there, but because expressing them feels…futile.
He might have grown up learning that vulnerability is weakness. That sadness makes him “less of a man.” That talking about his emotions will only lead to judgment or misunderstanding.
So, he stops trying.
Not because he doesn’t care.
But because past efforts to speak were met with confusion, dismissal, or silence in return.
And so, silence becomes his shelter. And his prison.
This isn’t anyone’s fault in particular. It’s something all of us are living through: generations of emotional conditioning that taught men to be strong, but not vulnerable. Resilient, but not real.
When we see a man go quiet, we don’t often ask why, we just assume.
We fill in the blanks with stories that match our fears, not his truth.
We might take it personally. Or mistake it for a lack of love.
But that quietness?
It might be the sound of someone overwhelmed.
Someone who has more to say than they know how to explain.
What Can We Do Differently?
- We can start by listening (without rushing to fix).
- We can make room for silence without assuming the worst.
- We can be patient with emotions that don’t arrive in neat, verbal packages.
Understanding someone—especially someone who struggles to be vulnerable—means offering grace. It means recognizing that silence isn’t always absence. Sometimes, it’s the last fragile thread holding someone together.
A Note to Men Reading This:
Your silence may have helped you survive…but it’s okay to unlearn it.
Your voice has value, even when it shakes. You don’t have to carry it all alone.
To Everyone Reading This:
Let’s build a culture where men don’t feel like they have to suffer quietly to be respected. Where their silence is met with curiosity, not criticism. And where emotional openness is not only accepted, but encouraged.
Final Thoughts:
This June, as we recognize Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, let’s go beyond hashtags and headlines. Let’s check in on the men in our lives—not just when they seem “off,” but consistently. Let’s hold space for their truths, their quiet, and their healing. Because strong men cry too. And sometimes, the most courageous thing they can do…is speak.
Ronaldo Gilley 