How does one examine the soul?
In lieu of having any mystical or magical abilities, I believe one must start by doing a self-assessment, keeping it as objective as possible. I often refer to this as “Looking in the Mirror” and it can be done in many different ways – some of which include personal journaling, meditation, and even psychotherapy.
My personal journey as a writer has allowed me to examine the soul through the process of writing my first novel. As I completed my first draft, I was able to reflect on the work as a whole. Though a work of fiction, I have poured much of my own being into it. So, if I could describe my novel in one word, it would be PERSONAL.
Therapy Through the Writing Process
For my first novel, I wanted to explore many elements from my life. So, that’s where I started. I began with my childhood and I examined myself – my joy, my pain, my failures, my trials. I examined what makes me radiant – that which makes me shine, those elements that make me beautiful. But, I also examined my flaws. I explored my darkness – the things that make me ugly, the things that make me insufferable at times. I was forced to examine my trauma. I had to take a sober look in the mirror and fully accept the image that came back at me.
I’m writing a novel, not an autobiography, but the journey to create the characters in the story, to develop the story required real emotion and real inspiration from real people and real situations. As I continue forward in the editing process, I plan on sharing my thoughts on the different themes I explore. No spoilers, not yet at least. Just a discourse on the many themes such as the spectrum of morality which is something I think we all struggle with in this life.
The writing process has been very therapeutic and has forced me to embrace all ranges of emotion. Because, as their character experiences sadness, so does the writer. The writer also experiences their character’s joy, rage, and despair. Truthfully, it is an emotionally draining process which is why it requires breaks from time to time. Through it all, this process has taught me much about self-acceptance.
The Many Dimensions of Character
For us readers and writers, the reason we really love a character (or love to hate a character) is because of how well-written they are. The more multi-dimensional they are, the more real they feel. And it is my opinion that our most beloved characters are the ones that are not fully one thing – they are never fully good or bad, they are not quite gray either. They possess a multitude of color. They have multiple layers that create the depth of their persona. I apply this same thinking to when I look in the mirror. I do not see a perfect person, but I also do not see someone completely deplorable. I do not see the completed picture, I do not see the person I strive to be, but I do see someone that is beautiful even in his own darkness. I do see a person with the desire to become the best possible version of himself.
I know that I must hold myself accountable. I also know that I must not hold myself in contempt when I fall short of the ideal I have set for myself. I must love who I see in that mirror unconditionally. I must accept who I see in that mirror fully and without restraint. But, I must see that person exactly as he is. I believe that the ability to do this opens the door for one to love others unconditionally and to impact the world around us in a positive and productive way.
Ronaldo Gilley 