I read your invitation and I hadn’t quite found the words to say to you in reply.
Until now.
In a moment of rest, I found clarity.
So many years have passed since our last swing at this relationship thing. You hurt me deeply. But the loss was not without a lesson.
I have did much self assessment over the years. That combined with new knowledge and experiences has gifted me with wisdom.
The thing about wisdom is it guides you to make better choices. My life now is very much purpose driven. And any love that enters my life must be a compliment to that purpose, not in competition with it. And your love comes with conditions for which I am no longer willing to sacrifice any part of my core being. Simply put, I choose me over you.
So, while a part of me will always love you and while I may still have a soft spot in my heart for you, I won’t allow that to bring me back to you. Because experience and wisdom now allows me to see that all you will do is poke at that soft spot until eventually you break my heart again.
Although you may have grown, and I applaud that growth if it is there, it no longer earns you the benefit of the doubt. I place me first. I value myself and I am clear on what is unhealthy for my life. I must protect that energy.
Do not mistake it. I am not numb. I am very much aware of my wounds. But, also, I am not dumb. I am happier healed. I like this version of me. You seem to like me broken. Or maybe you see how I healed and how I glow and you want a part of that. But you were always the path that destroyed that light. I do not resent you because I chose to walk with you. I can now smile because I understand the purpose of that pain. And it was not for our happily ever after.
All relationships are not meant to be permanent. Some relationships exist to continuously break you until the lesson is learned. For those lessons, albeit alongside pain, I am very grateful. It forced me to not blame you, but to look at me in the mirror and hold myself accountable for my choices in life and in love. There are no victims in this thing called love – only students.
But, alas, we did this dance many times before and never won. And after many tangos with you, Wisdom has taught me that it is simply time to move on.
Goodbye.
R
Ronaldo Gilley 