A Child’s Baggage

They think the door being closed deafens my ears

But, I can hear them screaming at each other in the other room

I hate it when they argue

It frightens me, saddens me, and weakens my spirit

Unfortunately, I’ve grown so accustomed to it

I’m only a kid, so how am I supposed to handle this?

To maintain my sanity, I block it out – I go to my happy place

I turn my favorite movie up loudly; strangely, this always stops them from yelling

I open up my coloring book and take out my crayon box

The coloring, the artwork allows me to focus my mind on something beautiful

Something to numb the pain, something to suppress the tears I no longer wish to shed

This is how I get away from the ugliness that dwells inside

This is my sanctuary, my attainment of solace

I am only seven years old now, so I’m unaware that my actions are just parts of a coping mechanism

This is not a resolution of my pain or a healing of my wounds

I’m not aware this will have long-lasting and deep ramifications on my soul

I can’t comprehend that I have internalized the pain and that these scars will follow me into adulthood

An adulthood in which I am likely to repeat the cycle that I grew up witnessing

Why? Because no one ever taught me this way of life was wrong

No one ever taught me conflict resolution, only conflict continuation

No one ever had time to address my pain

They never gave me an example of family unity – only brokenness

So how am I expected to create a united family for myself when I am grown?

By the Grace of God, that’s how

Because if by some chance I do, it would truly be a miracle

Author’s Commentary:

A Child’s Baggage: The Trauma Inflicted by Toxic Parents

I wrote this poem from the perspective of channeling a young child growing up in a toxic household in which the parents spend more time arguing and fighting than nurturing the child in every possible way. The parents are so caught up in achieving the win that they are unable to see they have already lost. Because their pain and resentment against each other has blinded them to the mental distress and trauma they have inflicted upon their child.

I posit that the selfishness of adults creates deep internal scars for the children they create. As an intuitive Scorpio, I see the pain of others, especially children, even if they are not fully aware of it yet.

I see so much potential, so much beauty in children. But many of us – as parents, mentors, guardians – are failing them. We are failing to nurture them to the best of our ability. We are failing to provide them tools to be successful in relationships and in life.

Many of us are buried so deep in our own hurt, our own brokenness, our own business that we have neglected the feelings and the needs of the lives we procreated. Being a successful parent is about so much more than just clothing, feeding, and providing a roof for our children. We cannot neglect their emotional needs and expect them to grow into fully balanced adults or better versions of ourselves. Without tending to them properly, our children take on the burdens of our pain and flaws. Rather than expanding and learning from our mistakes, our children become limited by our flaws and, as a result, become replicas of the broken person we see in the mirror.

In therapy, we discover that the baggage we carry, for many of us, starts in childhood. Be careful of the baggage you are forcing your child to pack away. Through the process of enlightenment, those of us on that journey learn that we must unpack the baggage we carry in order to travel to the next critical destination. By not addressing our own flaws, by not addressing the baggage we carry, we are forcing unnecessary trauma upon our children.

Being a parent is deeply rewarding, but it is also challenging and hard work. And, intimate relationships are sometimes downright impossible. However, the presence of adversity is not an excuse to stop the work towards progress.

In life, relationships break down for a multitude of reasons. But even if you cease being lovers, that child’s needs from both of you will remain. Many times, people find that they hate their ex more than they love their child. When you find yourself in that situation, you need to take a serious time out and take personal inventory. Ask yourself, “Are my child’s emotional needs cared for?” If not, then those needs to take priority over the argument, over winning or getting even. If you can no longer be lovers with the other parent, there must still be a high level of cooperation between both parents. In that state, we are living in our Higher Self – putting aside the bickering for the sake of this wonderful person you created together.

I recognize that family takes shape in many different forms – some are traditional, others are blended, others have a co-parenting element. Don’t let society choose which one is right for you. It is important that parents cooperate to determine which model is best for the children.

On the matter of single parenthood, I believe that those that arise due to parental alienation (one parent keeping the child away from the other parent out of spite) are the worst kind. I understand that single parenthoods exist for many reasons and there are some great single parents worthy of praise. But, just because it can be done (and, in many cases, must be done), does not mean that is the way it should be. This disrupts the natural order of balance. Hence, in the natural world, one cannot become a father without a mother’s participation, and one cannot become a mother without a father’s participation. Lovers or not, married or not, cohabitating or not, your children will need you both.

Parents (both of you), please take time to step outside of yourself. Sometimes being too inwardly focused causes us to neglect those we love. Step out of your selfishness to see how your actions impact your children. In this critical time in our history, let’s not continue the cycle of family disunity.

This is just my perspective on this topic. Not every parent in the world is toxic. I did not write this with the intent of being judgmental towards parents. I wrote it with the intentions of taking a child’s pain into account. Just because they do not verbalize it, does not mean their mental trauma is nonexistent. In an era of social media mindlessness, I felt the need to discuss something real.

I’m interested in your thoughts. Feel free to drop me a comment and follow me on Instagram.

Thank you.